"Rude Veg: Never not funny" - Men's Classic short-sleeve T-shirt

"Rude Veg - never not funny" We love Thursdays, because get to go to Tescos. Whilst the wives are doing the shopping, we'll create as many vegetable 'cock and balls' as we can until Steve, the Fresh Produce manager chases us away. Lessons we've learnt so far For the balls, you can use: Tomatoes  Onions (the big, hairy ...Read more

  • £24.50

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Description

"Rude Veg - never not funny"

We love Thursdays, because get to go to Tescos.

Whilst the wives are doing the shopping, we'll create as many vegetable 'cock and balls' as we can until Steve, the Fresh Produce manager chases us away.

Lessons we've learnt so far

For the balls, you can use:

  • Tomatoes 
  • Onions (the big, hairy Spanish ones work best)
  • Apples (try using Cox's Orange Pippin for added mirth - tee hee - 'cox'!)
  • Plums (of course)
  • Apricots (for those who shop in Waitrose)
  • Sprouts (liken them to your best mate's balls for extra giggles)

For the cock, we find the following works best:

  • Bananas (particularly if they're bent)
  • Corn on the cob (ribbed, for her pleasure)
  • Aubergine (looks like a diseased cock too)
  • Cucumber (the thicker, the better, we've found...)
  • Carrot (but only as a last resort - they're too small. And orange.)

PRO TIP: Recreate the Jolly Green Giant's gentleman patch using a large courgette and 2 fulsome avocados (we find the Mexican ones are the roundest). 

So why not make every day a Thursday with our childishly delightful T-shirt.

About our T-shirts

They're perfect for any occasion*

Perfect for nights out, gym sessions, a quick trip to the shops or just for house-lounging - you could even wear it in bed, if that's your thing.

Our t-shirts are digitally printed, meaning they're super soft (none of this ironed-on crap), comfortable to wear and easy to wash (best keep it at 40°C though).

*Actually, thinking about it, they're probably not that suitable for job interviews or funerals, unless they're pretty laid-back affairs... 

Which is the right style for you?

All our t-shirts come in 7 different designs, each with a choice of colours and sizes, so finding the right T-shirt is a doddle.

Scroll down for the other t-shirt styles available. You can select the perfect colour & size before you buy.

(Want a bespoke size or colour? Use the yellow button at the bottom left of the screen to get in touch).

We're Social Responsible...

Check us out with our 'fair trade' shit.

Our t-shirts are 100% ethically-sourced, organic cotton, meaning no kids, animals, or ozone layers are hurt during the making of your clothes.

As part of the Fair Wear Foundation, our manufacturers promise to treat workers fairly, and pay them well (no child/forced labour or 200 hour work-week rubbish here.

If that wasn't enough, we are 'climate neutral', meaning our garments are made using renewable green energy from wind & solar power.

So you can suck our furry wands, Primark - we're so much better than you. 

Global organic textile standard logoConfidence in textiles logoEarth positive logoFair wear foundation logo100% percent cotton logoCarbon footprint logo

 

 

Shipping & Returns

SPEEDY DELIVERY

We despatch all our orders using Speedy Delivery, meaning you should get your order within a day or so.  

If you're in a hurry to impress your friends with your new purchase, you can upgrade to Courier delivery.

SECURE CHECKOUT

See that green padlock in the address bar? No, up a bitTo the left of the website address.

That's the one.

That means that your card details are as safe as houses. We use the most up-to-date secure card processing systems to ensure your details never fall into the wrong hands.

You can even use PayPal to check out if you prefer.

5 YEAR GUARANTEE (YUP 5 YEARS!)

We take pride in supplying the very best t-shirts we can source, and we're so confident in our quality, every t-shirt comes with a 5 year quality guarantee.

If, at any point in the next 5 years you're unhappy with the quality, just return it to us, and we'll send you a replacement, free of charge.

Note: this guarantee does not apply if:

  • The shirt was ripped whilst wrestling with tigers/bears/crocodiles or any other sharp-toothed mammals or reptiles (unless you supply video footage of the damage taking place, in which case you'll get a new shirt and a lifetime of respect)
  • The shirt has been damaged whilst juggling open cartons of industrial-strength acid (watch those pretty eyes of yours...)
  • The shirt is faded, ripped, or half-eaten as a result of being stranded on a remote South Pacific island ("Wiiilllsonnnnnnnnnnn!!!!")
  • You've washed it every, single, bastard day for 5 years (if this is the case, 'Mister Obsessive', then you've got bigger problems than a worn-out t-shirt. Go see someone.)

GOT A QUESTION? 

Click the yellow button at the bottom left of your screen to get in touch.

Alternatively, message us via Twitter or our Facebook page.

Happy shopping!

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